Shadé Gray '23 Recruiting Profile

Covid-19 was a drastic change that caused the world to reconsider their idea of"normal". Who would have thought that a regular school day would turn into the last day of school for a year and a half of quarantine. In a situation like this, improvisation was the best and most effective solution for all of us. At first, having to not go to school for a few weeks sounds like the greatest thing in the world to a kid. What we didn’t know was that a few weeks would then turn into a few months and then a few months into a year. A change in route caused a change in routine. It was as if our world was flipped upside down. Stores were closed, businesses were shut down, homes were no longer welcome, and people were lost. 

While the world had its own problems, I was more focused on how I would get through each day. In the past, I had experienced a battle with loss when death was introduced to a very close relative of mine, my grandpa. He may have been the one inside the casket, but I was the one looking in from the outside. That loss brought on a bigger sadness than I had experienced before. I began my battle with depression. Some people think that being depressed is just being sad for a long period of time or having a greater sadness than normal. Even though that may sound true, it isn't. 

I don’t believe that being depressed is only a medical illness. I believe that being depressed is also a mental illness. In the simplest terms, depression is feeling stuck to the comfort of sadness. Comfortability isn’t just a nice couch or comfy bed. In my experience, being sad was my comfort, and soon became my best friend. 

During quarantine my daily routine went from doing school, to gaming, to working out, to cleaning, to listening to music, to crying for hours, to taking walks, to sleeping in bed all day, to staying up all night, to taking large amounts of pills, to silence, to cutting my arms, to feeling numb, to making music, and then finally to finding peace. This varied from day to day, and I was left each day to run through that list to rediscover how I could bring myself that sense of peace. Reading a list of so many transitions may seem overwhelming, or highly exaggerated. Compare that to living it, experiencing it from day to day, the feeling is much more than I could ever explain. It’s bigger than a battle of sadness. It was a war with myself, my thoughts, and my actions. 

Life itself will always continue to bear lessons and growth periods. To me, quarantine itself was the biggest establishment of both. At first we all thought time was unlimited but being separated from the world in such circumstances taught me that time is actually very limited. You never know when everything will be taken away from you and you have nothing left but yourself. Reaction to an effect is more important than the effect itself. Learning that and experiencing that has allowed me to progress as a person and become better day by day. As I continue to face more obstacles in time, quarantine will forever be in the back of my mind as a reference to how strong I am.